356 days till 30
Ok peeps,
So this is my 1st blog ever, I'm a bit slow & behind the times when comes to technology (I bought an I-pad 2 weeks before the I-pad2 came out) but I'm hoping that I will manage this blog. I had been thinking of 'blogging'for a few years but never had the momentum. Now, what have I got to lose?
(Be warned I will say what I think, I don't like offending people and though I try not to but sometimes it happens.)
Anywho, as I was saying what have I got to lose? Well last Saturday my McTwin and I turned 29, I'm not worried about this but I have concluded some changes need to be made and things need to be said. Though more importantly I think I need to be heard.
Most people, it appears, when they get to 30 they seem to have their lives sorted, married, kids, a house or at least a plan (yes I'm looking at you my siblings!) I don't, I'm the black sheep so to speak and until the 25th June 2011 I was ok with this.
Last year all this date meant was the day after my brother's birthday, this year however was the day a dear friend of mine died. June was 81, now some might think that it was her time and I would agree with them but the turmoil her death left behind has got into my head). My main issue is that June died alone (she had people visit her the day she died, including myself and her selfish concieted niece was with her at the end) but she didn't have a husband, wife, life partner or children. June had looked after so many over the years including my family when the McTwin & I were born. She was my ma's best friend and my confidant. My fear is I don't truly have a best friend, I am no-ones confidant and if my da and my siblings die before I do I fear that I too will die alone (my 3year old niece is neither selfish or conceited nor do I think she will be)
Since the age of 6 I have been afraid of death, that of those I love and my own. This fear has been compounded over the years with the unexpected deaths of aunts, uncles, close family friends and the untimely death of my ma aged 62 in 2008.
Well with all this in mind, and acknowledging that for a 1st post at has started to get depressing I plan to change things:
1.) I am taking on the challenge to start liking and improving myself (my body not just my brain:})
2.) I want to do things again, to achieve them and break down the walls that I have built, my plan is to take a course in creative writing at the adult learning centre,I loved to write when I was younger when things were simpler, until academics got in the way.
3.) I want to get out there and meet people, I don't make friends easily but those I have mean the world to me.
4.) by the time I'm 30 I want to feel as if I have done something with my life
5.) I want someone to notice and listen to me and not just sweep me aside.
Five will do for now, I reserve the right to increase the number in the future :D
Just to finish with, though this sounds like I don't appreciate what I've got and that others are to blame for how I feel, it's not. Im not doing this to make excuses. I want something positive to come out of how I feel now.
Well to whoever you are, thank you for reading and I hope you will come back when I have something to write, they wont all be as long as War and Peace and hopefully none will be as morbid.
Till we meet again my friends, goodnight (or good morning as it's 00:06BST
So this is my 1st blog ever, I'm a bit slow & behind the times when comes to technology (I bought an I-pad 2 weeks before the I-pad2 came out) but I'm hoping that I will manage this blog. I had been thinking of 'blogging'for a few years but never had the momentum. Now, what have I got to lose?
(Be warned I will say what I think, I don't like offending people and though I try not to but sometimes it happens.)
Anywho, as I was saying what have I got to lose? Well last Saturday my McTwin and I turned 29, I'm not worried about this but I have concluded some changes need to be made and things need to be said. Though more importantly I think I need to be heard.
Most people, it appears, when they get to 30 they seem to have their lives sorted, married, kids, a house or at least a plan (yes I'm looking at you my siblings!) I don't, I'm the black sheep so to speak and until the 25th June 2011 I was ok with this.
Last year all this date meant was the day after my brother's birthday, this year however was the day a dear friend of mine died. June was 81, now some might think that it was her time and I would agree with them but the turmoil her death left behind has got into my head). My main issue is that June died alone (she had people visit her the day she died, including myself and her selfish concieted niece was with her at the end) but she didn't have a husband, wife, life partner or children. June had looked after so many over the years including my family when the McTwin & I were born. She was my ma's best friend and my confidant. My fear is I don't truly have a best friend, I am no-ones confidant and if my da and my siblings die before I do I fear that I too will die alone (my 3year old niece is neither selfish or conceited nor do I think she will be)
Since the age of 6 I have been afraid of death, that of those I love and my own. This fear has been compounded over the years with the unexpected deaths of aunts, uncles, close family friends and the untimely death of my ma aged 62 in 2008.
Well with all this in mind, and acknowledging that for a 1st post at has started to get depressing I plan to change things:
1.) I am taking on the challenge to start liking and improving myself (my body not just my brain:})
2.) I want to do things again, to achieve them and break down the walls that I have built, my plan is to take a course in creative writing at the adult learning centre,I loved to write when I was younger when things were simpler, until academics got in the way.
3.) I want to get out there and meet people, I don't make friends easily but those I have mean the world to me.
4.) by the time I'm 30 I want to feel as if I have done something with my life
5.) I want someone to notice and listen to me and not just sweep me aside.
Five will do for now, I reserve the right to increase the number in the future :D
Just to finish with, though this sounds like I don't appreciate what I've got and that others are to blame for how I feel, it's not. Im not doing this to make excuses. I want something positive to come out of how I feel now.
Well to whoever you are, thank you for reading and I hope you will come back when I have something to write, they wont all be as long as War and Peace and hopefully none will be as morbid.
Till we meet again my friends, goodnight (or good morning as it's 00:06BST
Comments
Post a Comment